Second Chances
by RheizeL
Summary: He said I'm being possessed by his dead girlfriend. The girl that I despise a lot. Why? Because he took Grimmjow away from me. Just because she was a girl. Now, can you imagine the shock that I received after I heard him said that? I'm stuck with the girl that I hated the most, and what's more? She's using my body to make love with the man that I'm head over heels with.
1. Friendzone

**Another Dream. Seriously, most of my fics are about my dreams.. ^_^**

**I was originally planning to make this one a one shot, but it's going to be really long so I divided it.**

**This was bugging me for a month now, so hard that it made it difficult for me to write Say My Name.**

**Also, this is not Betaed. So the grammar is ridiculous, I hope you don't mind.**

**Thanks for reading.**

**Disclaimer: I Wish I Own Bleach.**

* * *

**...  
**_Vindicated, I am selfish, I am wrong, I am right  
I swear I'm right, swear I knew it all along  
And I am flawed but I am cleaning up so well  
I am seeing in me now the things you swore, you saw yourself_

* * *

"Here comes Blue~!"

Renji's whisper sent shivers all over Ichigo's body as he slowly turned to the direction where his red-haired friend is staring.

And he can't help but frown.

Grimmjow is taking his time walking towards the school building with his girlfriend, Neliel.

_They looked so happy_, he thought.

"I wonder what will the color of their child's hair is going to be."

Nnoitra suddenly commented as Grimmjow pass by their table. Well, it's more of a statement than a question. Taking a handful of fries before stuffing it all inside his mouth, he smirked. Ever since Grimmjow transfered into their school, Nnoitra has been really pissed. Specially when Grimmjow started courting Neliel, and Neliel agreeing to go out with Grimmjow.

He likes Neliel. But was too afraid of ruining his reputation as a delinquent once he decided to go out with her, because she was a certified scholar. A nerd. He doesn't like other people to make fun of him. So he just stayed away from her. Even pissing her off every now and then because that's the only way he could interact with her.

"I'm sure that it's going to be as colorful as the rainbow.."

Renji replied with a huge grin plastered on his mouth. He merrily bite on his burger not even bothering for any table manners as he laughed, making some of the crumbs flew out from his mouth. Disgusting.

Ichigo can't help but sigh, this is going to be really disastrous by the end of the day.

"Oi oi, it's not like your hair is different, RED."

Syazel commented. He put a strong emphasis on the word Red, making sure that Grimmjow would hear it. He's such a Grimmjow fan, Ichigo thought.

"Well, at least mine is natural. Wanna see it? Pink?"

Syazel grinned from the challenge. Yeah. Syazel would never back down from it. Because he's_ gay_. The Gayest of them All as what Nnoitra would always say.

It's not like the group cared about his sexual orientation. In fact it was super fine with them. However, they kept on forgetting about it. So they would always end up challenging Syazel about "manly" things, and they would always be the one to back down from it. Yes, they need to protect their chastity from him.

Renji matched Syazel's grin. Well, at least now they know that they are both just joking about it.

"Alright motha'fuckas, hurry up or we're going to be late for our class."

Gin suddenly interrupted, earning him groans from the group as they all stuff their things back inside their bags.

Ichigo tried to look at Grimmjow after watching his still laughing friends.

That's the only time that he noticed that Grimmjow stopped walking, and Neliel is trying to make him continue towards the building.

Even with a good seven feet away from him, Ichigo can still see that Grimmjow is shivering.

_Ohh, looks like his angry._

Ichigo smirked. This is his chance.

He's right hand immediately flew towards his right jaw as if he was trying to fix it.

Yeah, it was only last week. He was really proud of his body's state of recovery. He can now hardly feel any pain from it.

It's been a week since he and Grimmjow last clashed, and the result was a cut on his jaw, and a huge bruise for Grimmjow's abdomen.

It was only bruises normally, but on that day, he landed wrong on a nearby patch of dirt. Who would have known that there is a piece of broken glass in it? And so he cut his lower cheek.

Luckily for him, Grimmjow immediately accompanied him to the nearest hospital. His father was furious. But what can he do? Accidents happens all the time.

What surprised him though, is Grimmjow's concern.

_"The fuck are ya' sayin' asshole? 'course I can't let ya' die in 'ere! Stupid!"_

Ichigo chuckled. Grimmjow's accent is really terrible. He's mixing Japanese and German, and it's a bit difficult to understand if you will not pay attention.

_Yeah, if I'll die, there will be no fun for Grimmjow anymore._

It's been years now since they've started this ritual.

He can still remember it as if it only happened last month.

He saw Grimmjow smirked as he was walking towards the library. And he swore to the gods that he heard him say 'Orange'.

And it pissed him super big time.

There's no waiting, no confirmation. He immediately punched Grimmjow's face with all his might.

Hah, Grimmjow's face hit the floor. But of course Grimmjow will never let it end by just that, so he stood up and punched Ichigo back.

They both end up going to the principals's office on that day.

Went home together, but was never talking to each other. Then after a week, they fought again, but this time, not inside the university.

Grimmjow is a fighter, even though he was a scholar in their school. He came from Germany, the reason for transferring; unknown.

That's because he never had so many friends. Whenever Ichigo would see him, he was always alone, that's why in between of their weekly bout, the one where they silently agreed that they will not jump each other for they're both healing their injuries, he would always approach him. It was nothing in particular. They would just sit side by side, sometimes Ichigo would sleep beside him, or vice versa, just wasting their time together. But it was relaxing. It was always like that for a year. Then after a year, Neliel came.

Their silent time together became rare. And Ichigo's punches grew stronger.

_"Yer' get'in stronger Ich, fuck, tis' one is goin' ta take two weeks to 'eal! Would ya' mind if we'll extend our healin' time huh?"_

That time, Ichigo gave Grimmjow a huge black eye. But of course it didn't last that long. Their regeneration is superb. Sometimes it makes Ichigo wonder if they're some kind of a werewolf or something.

But even though it didn't took that long to heal, Grimmjow's time for him became really seldom.

He was always with Neliel. But it was something unavoidable. He have his personal life now. Ichigo should be happy for him.

Ichigo smiled weakly as he saw Grimmjow continued walking towards the school building, Neliel pulling him.

_Yeah, it was something unavoidable._

* * *

_Control.. Control.. Control.. Ya could do it.. Jus' breath.._

Grimmjow sighed as he finally entered their building. It was now safe, many people around to stop him in case he changed his mind. That fucking prick Renji, and that walking stick Nnoitra is really getting in to his nerves.

Seriously, how can Ichigo manage to stay with them?

"Grimmy, are you okay now?"

Neliel's voice is like a bucket of cold water splashed to him. It woke him up from his reverie.

"Yeah, 'am fine."

He saw Neliel sighed. It was like she finally felt relieved. Something about that makes him feel uneasy.

Neliel is a very nice girl. Really, anything about a girlfriend that you could ever hope for, beautiful, intelligent, sweet, everything, you can find it in her. That's why he immediately courted her the moment his eyes landed on her in their advanced class.

"Grimm, you shouldn't let them affect you like that. You know that they wanted to piss you off right?"

"Yeah.."

Grimmjow just nodded to a frowning Neliel. She's all motherly mode now. And it's kinda cute. He sighed

"Don't lose your cool like that again. Ever. Promise me, okay?"

Another nod before he exhaled loudly, closing his eyes to compose himself.

"Oh, and one more thing. Seriously, you should stop your childish fight with Itsygo, you will not gain anything from that, just some bruises. You should know better than that after what happened last time, Itsygo almost died."

Grimmjow's eyes immediately opened after hearing that. While Neliel just continued walking as if she knows that Grimmjow has no other choice but to follow her. Yes, Grimmjow has no choice.

_She's tellin' the truth.._

Up until now, he still get goosebumps whenever he remember Ichigo's form that day. Blood covered his shirt and it's still flowing out from his jaw, like his fucking neck was slashed. It was scary. _So damn fuckin' scary.._

His whole body went numb, and he can't move. Then Ichigo groaned and laughed as if nothing happened.

_"Fuck, my father is going to kill me.. Shit. This sucks"_

That's when a resolve formed inside his head. He needs to take Ichigo to a hospital.

He was so scared that Ichigo is going to die. He doesn't want that to happen.

Ichigo was his first friend in Japan. No one ever attempted to approach him because he was big and different.

Yeah, all of the people around him gets easily intimidated just by his body. Well, it's not his problem that Japanese are smaller that Germans. Plus, his hair is blue.

That's why when he saw Ichigo with all his glory on that day, proud and all mighty like a fucking road cone, he can't help but utter the word 'Orange'.

Turned out that the boy heard him, but he was not expecting Ichigo to punch him like that.

He was not even expecting a blow that strong from a body that small.

Well, Ichigo is not small, it's just that he was _bigger._

Ever since then, they would always engage each other to a fight on an every other week basis. Because they need a week to cool down and heal themselves.

Roughly twice a month. It immediately became some sort of competition between them.

What amuses him is the time during their "cease-fire".

Ichigo would always find him, no matter where he would go, and the boy would always spend some "quiet' time with him.

They don't talk, just sit there, sometimes lay down side by side, looking at the clouds, or listening to their own mp3 players, or smoke.

Then after an hour, Ichigo would always go with just a simple wave.

It happens all the time, like a routine. That whenever Ichigo would fail to appear, he would feel uneasy. Then he'll end up looking for him himself.

For Grimmjow, those quiet times are so comforting, and it means more than chatting with other people.

But of course, it can't last forever. Neliel became his priority. It's not like it's Neliel's fault. But sometimes, he miss their quiet time.

He took his time walking towards their first class frowning, following a very enthusiastic Neliel.

* * *

...

Ichigo sucked a huge amount of smoke before letting go of his cigarette. Then he blew all of the smoke in front of Syazel who eventually moved away from him. He chuckled.

Syazel doesn't like people who smokes. He's such a baby.

"Fuck it Ichigo! I told you I hate smokes! I'm going to fucking kill you asshole!"

Syazel snarled as he sat down beside Gin on the side walk as Renji groaned.

"Geez Ichigo, do we really need to wait for Blue with you? I mean what for? You will not even let us punch him ourselves!"

Ichigo sucked another mouthful of smoke before blowing it towards the sky. Then he faced Renji with his trademark scowl.

"Of course! Who's going to prove that I won this time? You need to witness my ultimate success prick!"

Nnoitra just chuckled as he threw his cigarette butt on the street before stepping on it.

"Why don'cha just take a fuckin' picture?"

He answered with a huge grin.

"Yeah! Just take a fuckin' picture! Then just follow us in Syazel's house!"

Renji added, still looking so pained as if Ichigo was asking him to eat a goddamned cockroach.

"Hey hey! Why my house you asshole?!"

Syazel stood up like his ass was suddenly put on fire.

"It's because you're the only one who has an Xbox you fuckin' faggot!"

Renji answered back with the same manner. They both gritted their teeth like animals.

"My mom is going to kill me again, it's because you pricks doesn't know how to tidy up things before you go!"

"Tch, it's your fault, I told you, just bring the friggin' Xbox to my house then it's my house that's going to be dirty."

Renji answered back, shrugging his shoulders.

"Are you sure that it's just about the friggin' Xbox Ren?"

Gin said as he chuckled, his already small eyes turning into slits.

Renji's eyebrows furrowed.

"What do you mean?"

Gin chuckled more, then Nnoitra followed, then Syazel, even Ichigo smirked.

"Oh sure, my brother will be there too.."

Syazel followed with the sweetest voice he could ever do.

Renji immediately turned red as his eyes grew wide.

"FUCK YOU FAGGOT!"

Syazel giggled.

"Oh sure Renji baby!"

Gin laughed so hard with Nnoitra as Ichigo just sighed with a smile. His friends are cracked up. He thought.

This is what's good about their friendship. Everything is cool, no hard feelings. They're all open with everything. Doesn't even give a fuck if one or two of them is a gay.

They would always spend time together, cutting classes, going to the mall or playing billiards together. But even though they're having fun, it doesn't mean that they're slacking off with their studies.

Gin is on advanced classes. He ranked as the 5th most intelligent student in the school. Syazel the 7th, Ichigo was the 16th, Nnoitra the 25th and Renji on the 30th. They're not your ordinary delinquents.

At first, the teacher would always bully them in school. But since they always turn the tables back to their stupid teachers, they let them be after 2 months. Because really, they are going to be jobless if they continued messing with them.

After a few more bickering, they finally stood up, cleaning their pants before facing Ichigo who remained leaning on the gate of the school. A few students are now starting to make their way home.

"See you later Ichigo."

Syazel is the first who walked away making sure that Ichigo would hear his remark.

"Yeah, see you."

"Wooohoo! I'll be the first one to play okay?!"

Renji started running towards Syazel.

"Sure sure, Byakuya is not our type Red."

Nnoitra shouted as he too made his way out.

Renji shouted something back but Ichigo didn't pay attention to them. He just sighed once more, straightening himself too.

"Ichi, be careful okay? Don't repeat what happened last time, or I'll kill you myself, got that?"

Ichigo just grinned towards Gin. Among his friends, Gin is the one that he treats as his older brother. It's tiring being the older brother all the time in their family, but with Gin, he experienced how it feels like to be a younger brother.

Gin tapped his shoulder before following the others.

Ichigo just stood there, watching them walk away. Then when he's sure that they are already gone, he sighed big time.

_Now, where is that fucking blue haired prick?_

He tried looking inside the gate, then after a few more minutes, a huge number of people started coming out from the gate of their school. He backed away from it as he waited for Grimmjow.

Well, he was a hundred percent sure that Grimmjow would agree with him today because Neliel will not go home with him.

Rukia said that she's going out with Neliel today to finish their project.

So this is his chance to return the favor to Grimmjow.

Ichigo can't help but smirk on that idea. Yeah, he'll make him eat shits.

After a few more minutes, he saw them.

Grimmjow is walking beside Neliel, holding her hand as Rukia follows them quietly.

Ichigo quietly stepped back to avoid being seen. He hid from the bushes, watching Grimmjow and Neliel from afar.

He saw them stop in front of the gates, stare into each other's eyes, and kissed.

_Eeiw._

He never imagined that Grimmjow could be this bold. He quietly sighed thinking that _Love _is such a scary thing.

Then after a few more PDAs, Neliel and Rukia finally walked away from Grimmjow.

Stupid Blue just stood there, watching his girlfriend walk away before he finally started to walk towards Ichigo's direction.

Ichigo sighed then stepped out from the bushes, smiling.

"Finally, been waiting here for ages!"

He said with a joking tone.

Grimmjow just grinned back as if he was already expecting this to happen.

"Yeah right, just grin asshole, I will wipe that grin out of your fucking face later"

Ichigo added with an evil smile.

"You wish!"

Grimmjow answered before walking towards him, hands on his pocket, mirroring the same evil smile on his face.

* * *

...

"Fuck Ichigo!"

Ichigo turned his head towards Grimmjow with a grin. His labored breathing is drying up his throat giving out a wheezing sound. Too bad. He wanna laugh out loud right now. He wanna shout his heart out. It feels so great. But he can't move because he's too wasted.

_Yeah, it's fucking too bad._

He dropped his body and stared towards the sky while panting heavily.

"Fuck! Nel will kill me you fucking asshole!"

Grimmjow continued as he stared to his reflection on a nearby parked car. He was checking out his face thoroughly like a girl.

Ichigo grinned once more. Even though Grimmjow is now showering him with curses, there's no antagonism towards him. Another thing why he likes fighting Grimmjow.

After the fight, everything's cool.

He just can't understand why he feel something weird after hearing that girl's name.

Ichigo sighed. Then he gathered all of his remaining strength to stood up and took out his cellphone.

"Hey Grimmjow.."

"Huh?"

_click_

Grimmjow's eyes widened from shock as Ichigo stared down the result of his candid shot. Then a smile formed on his lips before tucking the phone back to his pocket.

Grimmjow's eyebrows furrowed.

"What the fuck was that for?!"

Ichigo grinned once more before laying back down to the dirt but this time, with more caution. He don't wanna add more pain to his already painful body.

Well, at least he gave Grimmjow a very nice and big bruise on his face.

"Proof. I need this to show them that I won this time."

"Tch, as if you didn't earned marks on your body yourself!"

He chuckled.

"Still need a proof, with your inhuman recovery, who knows how short of a time you'll need before those bruises disappears?"

"Heh, this ain't disappearing overnight asshole. This will prob'ly take three days."

Grimmjow sighed as he walked towards Ichigo and sat down beside him, his eyes staring far ahead as if he was trying to figure out a distant future.

The sun is now setting, the sky slowly turning orange, to crimson then to purple as they watch. Children playing a few feet away from them.

The river that's flowing right through the middle of Karakura is now very calm.

This is Ichigo's favorite moment.

The silence that engulfs them was never awkward. He can go on like this forever with a smile. But of course he's not going to say that to Grimmjow.

After a few minutes, he heard Grimmjow sighed.

He turned to face the man that is now sitting a few inches away from him. He was frowning. Like he was having a debate inside his head whether he should say something or not. Ichigo chuckled.

Another sigh, then Grimmjow cleared his throat.

"Ichi, I think, we should stop this nonsense."

Suddenly, it feels like something clogged Ichigo's airways. A frown made it's way on his face as he elevated his upper body using his elbows as support to see Grimmjow properly.

"Huh?"

Another sigh escaped Grimmjow's mouth before his eyes landed on him.

"I'm sayin' that this is goin' to be our last fight."

Ichigo's frown deepened. What the fuck is this prick tryin' to say? Ichigo hates to look so dumb, but he just can't help it now. He needs to understand. He needs to fucking clear this up.

"What do you mean?"

Grimmjow exhaled then chuckled, returning his gaze towards the horizon.

"We're not gettin' any younger dummy. Sooner or later, we need to grow up. And stopping tis' childish thing can be a good way to start that.."

Grimmjow's face looked so calm. It looked so, weird, strange, _new. _This is not the Grimmjow that he knew.

He didn't know this man.

"Childish? Are you saying that I'm childish?"

Something's not right. It feels so heavy. Like a goddamned pressure is surrounding him and crushing his head. This is not what he was expecting. A while ago, he was contemplating whether he can live forever in this kind of environment. How did this suddenly go wrong?

"Silly, I'm not sayin' that. Common Ichi, I know you can understand what I'm tryin' ta' say..."

Grimmjow returned his gaze once more, he was smiling. Like he was just trying to explain a simple mathematical equation to him. This is too much. _Far too much.. _

He sat up properly, looking at the direction of the setting sun with a frown.

"Did she asked you to stop this?"

Grimmjow pouted his lips and rubbed his head.

"Umm, not really. She's jus' worried 'bout us.. I mean, wit' what 'appened las' time, ya' can't blame 'er if she's goin' ta' be scared.."

Ichigo sighed. It can't be helped. The girlfriend asked it, there's no way for him to not obey.

He clenched his fist, but then immediately released it. For once in his whole life, he wanna corner a woman and torture her until she die. _Wait, _what the fuck is he thinking? There's no way that he's going to do that.

He forced a smile, but his brows are still frowning.

"So, you're going to resign right after I defeated you huh?"

He saw Grimmjow stopped for a moment, then he chuckled.

"As if!"

Grimmjow answered with too much enthusiasm. Then he stood up, cleaning off some of the dirt on his pants, then stretched.

"Well, at least you now hold the title of being The Last Man who put a mark on the great Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez, right?"

He said with a grin on his face. Ichigo frowned once more.

"Of course. I will brag that to everyone. The great Grimmjow Jaegarjaquez, defeated by me. I'll be more famous by next week."

"Oi oi! Don' ruin my name that much asshole!"

"I'll do what I want to do stupid."

"Tch, stubborn prick!"

Ichigo pouted, but he hid that by placing his head between his knees and facing the ground.

"Oi, don't you cry on me now babe!"

Grimmjow said laughing.

"You wish"

Good thing that his voice was muffled, he was afraid that his voice is now cracking up. He can't understand why this is happening to him. Everything felt so, surreal. This is the first time that he felt this way. And he didn't know what words he should use to describe this overwhelming, dark and heavy feeling.

After a few moments, he felt a had on his head, then the said hand ruffled his hair.

"Thanks Ichi, for everything. You know that yer' ma' only friend right?"

He didn't answered. Seriously, what is he going to say? Thanks? This is getting really awkward.

"You should try to be more serious too. I mean, yer' goin' to be a doctor some day right?"

"Shut up, you're not my mother, asshole."

A very thrilled laugh erupted from Grimmjow that made Ichigo raise his head.

"Alright, I'll go ahead.. I still need to pick Nel up from Rukia's house.."

Ichigo stiffened. Funny how that fucking name could make him feel so fired up.

Then Grimmjow started walking away, and everything went slow-mo.

Ichigo immediately stood up.

"G-Grimm..!"

Grimmjow stopped walking and turned to look at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Hmm?"

He gulped. What is he going to say? Why did he stopped Grimmjow?

_Fuck it all to hell.._

Ichigo swallowed once more before returning Grimmjow's gaze.

"I-If.. If you need help, you and Neliel, anything, j-just tell it to me.. Got it?"

There was a moment of silence as a gust of wind blew between them. Then Grimmjow grinned.

"Sure. Thanks Ichi."

Grimmjow continued walking, leaving him behind with a very confused mind, and heart.

* * *

**Welcome to the Friendzone! *Bwahahaha***

**Aheem, so, what do you think will happen?**

**Thanks for reading!**


	2. Unexpected

**The second chapter, at last!**

***sighs***

**Thanks for the wait..**

**Oh, this is not Betaed, so please do not kill me because of the wrong grammars.**

**I have no beta as of now, and I don't know how the Beta thing works.. *smiles***

**Anyway, I hope you guys would enjoy this.**

**Disclaimer: I own just the story. ^_^**

**To the unknown!**

* * *

**"Unexpected"**

_It's hard to be a man  
But I'm doing all I can  
I'm ready to give this all I have  
I'm ready to be amazed  
'Cause I'm standing here alone  
Trying to make this life my own  
And nothing will keep this heart from beating  
I'm still breathing_

* * *

...

Grimmjow slowly took his time as he walked towards the gate of their school. Neliel's project with Rukia is not done yet. So he had no choice but to go home alone again.

He saw someone stared at him and he can't help but grin. Everyone is still amazed by his looks. That's okay, but grinning is something that he shouldn't have done.

His jaw throbbed, and his grin was immediately replaced by a wince.

His hand flew towards it, as if rubbing it will lessen the pain.

_That fucking Ichigo.. He really gave his all to that punch.._

He flexed his jaw and sighed. Neliel's reaction this morning was, weird too. He didn't know why she's being like that. She's always talking about or asking about Ichigo. If he didn't know that Ichigo is not interested with Neliel, he would have killed Ichigo already out of jealousy.

He sighed.

Every morning, he would always pick Neliel up from her dorm and they would always walk together to school. And this morning was no exception.

It was just funny how animated Nel's face was when she saw him this morning.

Surprised, afraid, annoyance, all were mixed up on her face.

"_What happened?!"_

_Grimmjow just smiled sheepishly before he looked down to avoid her questioning stares._ "_Ichigo."_

_Nel just sighed before she approached him, he immediately returned his gaze towards her._

_"Itsygo. Really." She sighed__. "He really did kicked your ass this time huh."_

_Grimmjow just laughed. He didn't know why, but when it comes to Ichigo, his girlfriend was so patient and forgiving. As if him fighting Ichigo was something unavoidable every once in a while. She was only like this towards Ichigo._

_"As if I'm goin' __to let him get away without any mark__s__ from me__! I gave him a very powerful uppercut!"_

_He childishly showed an uppercut, punching the air, to show what he did to Nel just giggled._

_"Geez, when are you guys going to stop this childish thing?" _

_"I promised Ichigo that this will be the last."_

_He answered before he took Nel's bag from her, then they started walking towards their school_

_"What did he say?"_

_"He agreed ofcourse. As if he can do anything about that. __He said, if ever we need help, anythin' all we have to do is tell it to 'im.." _

_Grimmjow just shrugged his shoulders As if he would need Ichigo's help. If ever someone would dare challenge him or Nel to a fight he doesn't have to ask for help, he himself would teach those assholes a lesson. _

_"And, how did you felt about that?"_

_Grimmjow suddenly stopped walking and turned towards Nel._

_"About what? What do you mean?"_

_"About you not fighting Itsygo anymore. You've been with Itsygo for more than two years now. Aren't you going to miss him?"_

_Nel's face was serious. So serious to the point that it made Grimmjow laugh. _

_"You mean 'been fightin'__ Ichigo'. You're__ makin;__ it sounds__ like I'm datin'__ him."_

_It was now Nel's turn to laugh._

_"Right"_

_"You're crazy Nel.__"_

Well, as long as Neliel is not angry, he could care less about other things.

Which reminds him, he didn't saw Ichigo this morning. He's not with the gang.

He shrugged his shoulders. Well, maybe he went to class early.

He continued walking towards the gate, only stopping when he saw Gin Ichimaru there.

He was smoking as he stood there beside the gate, leaning against the wall. Looking like he was waiting for someone.

Well, Gin is one of the most intelligent student in their school, always one of the top 5 students.

And also, a very capable opponent. He's not to be messed up with. All of those who did, woke up in the hospital the next day, or not.

But what's surprising is that, no one ever sued him for that. Not because he was a minor, but because according to some, he has a very powerful man backing him up.

He just didn't know who.

Grimmjow continued walking, determined to walk pass by Gin, when suddenly, Gin grabbed his arm.

"Hey, Jaegerjaques, can we talk for a moment?"

Grimmjow raised his eyebrow.

"Wazzit Ichimaru?"

Gin let go of his arm and motioned for him to follow.

"Not here.. Don't worry, just wanna ask something."

Grimmjow frowned, but he still followed. After all, he's not that weak to be taken lightly.

They walked for like 500 meters before Gin finally stopped in front of an old run down garage. Grimmjow just kept on looking around. Because in case Gin was planning a surprise attack, well, he should be damn ready for it. But Gin immediately stopped his thoughts from any further assessment.

"Don't bother Jaegerjaques, we won't take that long."

Gin threw his cigarette butt on the ground and stepped on it before facing Grimmjow again.

"Well, let's get to the point. I wanna know what happened to you and Ichigo last time."

Grimmjow's eyebrow automatically raised.

"Huh? What do you mean? We fought, as usual, then went home."

Gin Sighed.

"There's gotta be more for him to be absent again."

Grimmjow frowned this time. He doesn't understand anything.

"He's absent? He's fine when I left 'im."  
"Are you sure? Because you know what? He's not answering his phone. If he's fine, he could've told me."

Grimmjow sighed

"Ya' know that I will not do anythin' that'll harm Ichi in a way. It's not like I killed 'im, maybe, he was tired, or sick.."

Gin shifted his weight, and sighed.

"I know that you're not like that. Your fights with him are more like, a game. Just, tell me, did you say anything to him..?"

Grimmjow's frown deepened, but he started collecting his thoughts anyway. He was also worried about Ichigo. After all, Ichigo would only be absent if he sustained too much damage from him, or, during his mom's death anniversary, which are both impossible according to his state yesterday.

"I.. I told him that it was our, last fight."

Gin automatically scowled after hearing him.

"Last fight? What do you mean?"

"I mean, Nel said I should stop playin' wit' Ichigo, and so I told 'im that. Is that wrong?"

But instead of asking another question, Gin just smirked. During ordinary days, he would've punched Gin already for smirking towards him, but right now, solving Ichigo's mysterious disappearance is much more important. He ground his teeth, willing himself to just forget about the damned gesture.

"I think I know now the reason. Thanks Jaegerjaques."

Gin started walking back, and because of this, Grimmjow was suddenly alerted. _There is no fucking way that he was now going without telling him the answer right?_

"O-Oi! What do you mean that you know now?"

Gin stopped and looked at him with the coldest pair of eyes that he ever saw in his whole life. Grimmjow gulped.

"Non of yer' business. And oh, give me a favor and stay away from Ichigo. Don't give him false hope."

And with that, Gin left him alone with a gaping mouth.

* * *

...

Ichigo slowly stretched his arm and reached for the ceiling of his room. He already forgot how long he has been laying on his bed and staring at particularly nothing.

He was so happy that his father would leave him alone when he told him that he wanna take a break from school for a few days. Well, his father is an asshole yes, always talking big when they're all together, but he can also be a very reliable man when everything's serious.

It was like having a father and a mother at the same time.

Ichigo sighed.

It's not like he was happy that his mom is now six feet under. He's still mourning for his mom even though it's been 9 years since that devastating day, but during these times, he was glad that he was alone and that no one is asking him if he was alright. Because seriously, he was not a good liar.

He was just thankful that his father never hovers around him when he's giving that "Leave-me-alone Aura" Even his sisters are perceptive enough when it comes to that thing.

_Cool Family._

He let his arm fall back to his side before sighing once more. It's been three days since he last fought Grimmjow. It's already Friday, but try as he might, he just can't find the will to get up from his bed and go to school. Everything's so heavy. Like his body was tied to his bed, or a huge rock was sitting on top of him.

But he owe at least Gin an explanation. That guy has been trying to contact him from day one of his disappearance.

Ichigo sighed.

He swung his feet up to get a momentum, then he sat up the moment it went back to the floor. He looked around his room, another sigh.

He needs to clean up. His room, is filthy and in a huge mess. He can't believe that he allowed this to happen. He's a clean freak. But he felt so lazy these past few days. He never moved, just getting out of his bed to eat with his family, then going back to his room to sleep again.

He glanced at the clock that was hanging on his wall.

_6:00AM._

He still got some time.

He stood up and picked the books that are now laying on the floor, his uniform from 3 days ago, his bag, the towels. But he guess his time is not enough. So maybe, he'll just finish everything up later.

For the first time after those days, he went out of his room to take a bath. He felt so filthy.

"Oi! Ichigo! Finally going back to school eh?"

His father greeted him with so much enthusiasm that it made him frown.

"Yeah, got to go back to reality I guess."

He answered as he went inside the bathroom. His father just laughed, if he said anything after that annoying laugh, Ichigo didn't know, his father's voice was immediately muffled by the door.

He sighed again.

He hates bathrooms.

It's small, cold, and he's alone.

But he got no time to contemplate about those things.

He stripped and stepped in under the shower.

The moment that cold water hit his body, his head messed up again.

_"Ichi, I think, we should stop this nonsense."_

He closed his eyes shut.

Nonsense? What does he mean by nonsense? That fucking idiot. He almost died last time! Does that mean that he almost died for nonsense? Fuck that.

All this time, he was the _only one_ that enjoys doing those things with Grimmjow.

It was nonsense for him. He felt so pathetic.

He felt a sting on his eyes.

_That fucking idiot. I hate him._

* * *

...

The best thing about my friends is that they never ask questions.

When they saw me this morning, they just laughed and punched my shoulders lightly.

These guys are amazing.

But I know that they're worried. Specially Gin.

Gin just ruffled my hair and said "Welcome back"

He's the best older brother.

But though I'm happy to be back, I just can't be so happy with them now. I excused myself for today. Told them that I need to go to the teacher's office, but the truth is that, I'm spending my time here in the rooftop of our school.

The wind here is calming. And it's peaceful and it's quiet.

I just wanna calm myself a little bit more before I face that idiot.

I'm lucky that I haven't seen him today.

"Oi Ichi!"

Fuck. I guess my peacefulness is now over.

My heart quickly raced after hearing that thick baritone voice.

I didn't even tried looking at him.

"Oi! Are you okay?"

Is that worry that I can hear from his voice? Nah, probably not. Brain, please spare me today.

"Yeah, I'm okay"

He stood beside me, leaning his arms on the railings and staring towards the horizon just like what I am doing now.

I can't help but watch the wind blow those loose stands of his hair away from his face.

_God, I missed this man._

I clenched my fist tightly. I just realized how much effect this man has on me. He can make my heart race, he can make my face blush, he can mess up my head, I swear he's going to kill me someday.

"Ichi, tell me, did I do somethin' wrong? You seem to be fine when I left that day, I jus'-"

"I told you I'm fine. There are just some things that I need to take care of."

He looked at me, with those intense blue eyes. I think my face just turned red. That's my que. It's my turn to look away. I heard him sighed.

"I missed you Ichi.."

I looked down. _Oh God why?! _

"..I mean, I thought we're friends? Why didn't you told me that you're have some problems now?"

That fucking word again.

_Friends.. Friends.. FRIENDS.._

Fuck! Okay okay! You scumbag brain! You don't have to repeat it!

"I-If I did som'thin' wrong-"

I sighed. Then as if the sigh was not enough, I groaned. Then I exhaled loudly.

"God! Grimmjow, you can be so dense sometimes!"

I looked at him, looked at his eyes. Those fucking eyes that I've been dreaming about for years now. Those eyes that are always haunting me when I'm alone.

Alright, I guess this is the time where I should start admitting that I love him.

"Dense? Wha're you talkin' 'bout?"

I can see that he's losing me. I sighed again, then I returned my gaze towards the horizon.

I gulped.

"I love you."

"Huh?"

"I SAID I FUCKING LOVE YOU!"

Silence. Fuck, I hate this. Silence can be a very difficult thing to deal with right now.

I guess I should continue then.

"Please don't ask me since when, because I don't know. I just woke up one day, and then I realized that I fell in love with you."

I closed my eyes, he's still so quiet.

"Please say something."

I looked at his direction. I don't know how to describe his face right now. Because seriously, I was expecting him to be disgusted. But the Grimmjow that I was seeing right now, is so far from being disgusted.

_It's pity._

Fuck. Thank you for citing that out for me brain.

Pity huh? I guess that's much worse than being disgusted. He pity me. Why? Because I'm pathetic? Because I'm a loser? Because there's no way that he's going to like me the way he like Neliel?

That sting again in my eyes. No, I can't, at least not in front of him.

I returned my eyes to the horizons, then I swallowed the vile that was now forming at the back of my throat.

"Say something Grimm."

A few seconds, still no answer. It's getting annoying now. I faced him again.

"I SAID SAY SOMETHING!"

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?! THANK YOU BUT I'M SORRY CO'Z I'M SEEIN' SOMEONE RIGHT NOW?!"

That left my jaw hanging like an idiot. Yeah, he got some point there.

I closed my mouth, and looked away.

Pain. So much pain. Why do I have to say those things in front of him now?

Originally, I was planning to avoid him and kill this fucking beating thing inside my chest if it'll not agree to my proposal of finding someone else.

But I guess that there really is that fucking Stupid Moment where everything that you've planned will be erased, and the opposite will take over.

"Please leave me alone for a moment."

Yeah, I guess that's the only option now. Send him away, then drop out of class, ask my father to send me to another school, and settle there for the rest of my fucking life.

I heard him sighed. A little bit harsh actually, the kind of sigh that you give out when you're frustrated. Then the door of the rooftop slammed shut.

I looked down. I'm proud of myself. Because I was able to hold those liquid that are planning to fall down the moment I saw him.

I set them loose. Yeah they're free now.

I cried, I cried and I cried and I cried for god only knows how long.

Then when I heard the fucking school bell rang indicating that classes were now over, I picked up my bag and rushed towards the school gate before anyone who knows me can even follow.

I have no time to explain why I didn't attend the second half of classes today. I have no time to explain why my eyes are so red right now.

During these times, I can't help but wish that Mangas are real, and that I was the chosen one, and that I could go to another world where no one knows me.

I just wanna open a rip in the sky and step in and never return.

The moment I stepped out of school grounds, I started walking much slower. Like I got the whole fucking time in the world.

Maybe, unconsciously, I was waiting for someone to come and calm me. Tell me that I'm not a disgusting person, and that I don't need anyone's pity. That I'm great, and that it's not wrong to fall in love.

But I guess it was just my scumbag brain giving me false hopes again.

Because seriously, there is no such thing as Heroes. Because once a hero appeared, he was bound to die. I mean, who wants to be a hero if you're just going to die in the end?

Then through time, people will forget about you, the only thing that will remain, is your lifeless and moss-covered statues.

That's just pathetic.

I think I was so engrossed to whatever I was thinking, because I just found myself being stopped by someone by pulling my arm.

It was annoying. I was busy being an emo here. Who the fuck is this crazy person that's willing to die for disturbing me?

I whirled, ready to shout at whoever disturbed my reverie, but I suddenly stopped.

Talk about tough luck. It was Neliel.

I frowned. She was looking at me like she was so worried. Am I that pathetic?

"Itsygo, are you alright?"

I pulled my arm away from her.

"What are you doing here?"

I asked, just to start a conversation. I don't like this girl, but that doesn't mean that I won't talk to her.

"I was, on my way to Rukia's house for our project. You? Why didn't you attended our second period? Is there a problem?"

God, I swear this woman is so annoying. How the hell did Grimmjow managed to love this girl?

"I'm fine."

I answered with a frown before I turned around once more and started walking again.

That's when I noticed the place. This is not my way home. Tsk, I got so absent minded that I reached this place without me even knowing. No wonder why the bitch is worried.

I turned to face the direction that I came from, she's still there. Tch, I have to choice but to pass by her again.

I started walking faster, she was just watching me, until I passed by her. I continued walking until I reached the pedestrian lane. I sighed.

No choice but to stop and wait for the fucking light to turn green.

"Itsygo, are you sure that you're alright?"

I suddenly heard her say from my back.

Oh common, can't she even give me a break? Can't she see that I don't want to talk right now?

"I said I'm fine Neliel. Just leave me alone, okay?"

I hope that's enough. I impatiently glanced towards the red light.

Fucking traffic light, when are you going to change?!

"But Itsygo-"

And that's it. I glanced around the street. No cars.

I sighed and started walking. I need to get away from her before I do something that I will regret again later. I got too much regret today already. I got no plans of adding more.

Mid way the street, I heard some tires scratching against the street like I'm in the middle of a race track.

And it was too damn close.

I looked at the direction where the sounds are coming from, I think my eyes widened up from fear.

Everything went slow-mo. You know that feeling when your brain is running at the speed of light, so fast that your body just can't keep up, and as a result, your body just remain there, stiff as a stone. Even your lungs stopped working, just your heart beating fast, and you can't do anything but to wait for your impending doom.

"ITSYGO!"

I heard her voice. For the first time in all those years that I met her, she suddenly sounded like an angel.

My body slowly turned towards her direction, and I saw her running towards me.

I wanna shout at her. _Stay the fucking there! Don't go here!_

But I guess I lost my voice the moment I saw that car speeding towards my direction.

Instead, I just stood there, watching her rush towards me. She looked so worried. Afraid.

That's ridiculous. Why is she afraid? I'm the one that's going to die. That's just so funny.

I closed my eyes, then I felt something hit my body, then a very loud bang.

Is it the car? I don't know.

I think my body came flying, and then I hit my head. Really really hard.

I felt numb. I know it should be painful. It's weird. I heard a lot of screaming.

Am I going to die?

I guess God granted my wish a while ago. I can finally go to another world.

Yes, this is my wish. It was just so surprising because it happened so fast.

I guess God is good to those people who are so pathetic and already lost their will to live.

Another set of screams.

"Help her! Someone call an ambulance!"

Wait.

Her?

What the fuck?!

I forced myself to open my eyes, and to sit up from wherever I am now.

Someone helped me, but I don't care who they are.

My head is now starting to be really painful. So painful that I think I might pass out any moment now. But I have to see.

Blood started flowing, forcing my left eye to close. I wiped it away.

I can't see her. There are just so many people blocking the scene.

I looked around, I saw some blood stains on the side walk, I must have hit my head on it.

I faced the scene again, but this time, I tried to stand up. My knees are wobbly, but I don't care. I gotta see.

Someone shouted to make way for me. I want to thank him, maybe some time later.

The people started to make way, they were all talking, asking if I was okay or if I know her.

I didn't pay attention.

Then, there she was.

Neliel was lying on the cold pavement.

Her choice of position is a bit weird, I think it's painful.

Her body is covered by a very thick red liquid. It's flowing from her head, her body, everywhere.

The same liquid that was now starting to block my eyesight again.

Damn.

I immediately wiped the liquid away from my eyes.

I stopped in front of her.

Her eyes are open. Like she was staring at particularly nothing.

And her face, her face is so white.

I kneeled in front of her.

"N-Nel.."

I whispered.

No reaction. My sight started to become so blurry, the pain returning at full force.

I gasped.

"N-Nel!"

Still no movement.

My sight started to turn grey.

Fuck..

I felt my body started to sway, my eyes automatically shut down, then everything went completely black.

* * *

...

Grimmjow rushed inside the hospital. Pushing all of those people who are blocking his way.

Some cursed him, some even shouted at him, but he don't care. He was already in front of his house when someone called his phone, saying that something happened to Neliel.

He thought his brain shut down the moment he heard her name. He just ran back towards the main highway and stopped a cab. He didn't even noticed how he got inside that hospital.

He ran towards the place where the emergency room was located.

There, he saw Neliel's parents. They were crying. Her mom is crying so hard, and her dad is hugging her tightly.

"W-What happened?! Where's Nel?!"

Her parents just looked at him with those pathetic and defeated eyes. They didn't answer his questions.

He saw the doctor starting to walk away from them, so he immediately ran towards him and grabbed his coat.

"Where is she?! Where's Neliel?! What happened to her?!"

The doctor just frowned and looked at him with those firm eyes.

"I'm sorry."

"Wha-? What do you mean you're sorry?! WHERE IS SHE?!"

He pulled the doctor and snarled at him. He needs answers. What the heck is happening here?!

"GRIMMJOW! LET THE DOCTOR GO!"

His hands automatically loosen, until he eventually let his hands slide down, away from the doctor's coat.

"W-What's happenin' sir? Wh-where's Nel?"

"She's gone Grimmjow.."

Nel's father looked so scary. His eyes are red, he's crying, but his voice remained whole.

"Nel.. Nel.. She left us.."

He heard Nel's mom cried harder, she kept on asking why.

"What the hell?"

He whispered.

That thing that was threatening to grab his heart is now slowly engulfing his insides.

"What the hell..?"

He repeated as his knees started to soften.

He allowed himself to fall, and sat on the floor.

He was just hugging her a while ago. She even said goodbye to him before she went away with Rukia to finish their project.

How the hell did this happened?

"Jaegerjaques."

His head shot up and turned towards the direction where the voice came from.

It was Gin.

"I'm sorry.. About Neliel."

His voice sounded so sincere.

"What are you doin' 'ere?"

Gin walked towards him and sat there beside him with a frown.

"I came here after I heard the news from Ichigo's sister."

_Ichigo's sister? How the hell did she found out about this?_

"Neliel, she was with Ichigo during the accident."

"What?"

Gin sighed then turned his gaze towards the wall of the hallway.

"She, it seems that she saved Ichigo.."

Something exploded inside Grimmjow.

He stood up, and looked at Gin.

"Where is he?"

He said calmly.

"He was now getting ready to get out of ICU, they are now going to transfer him to another room."

Grimmjow started walking away from Gin, passing Nel's parents who payed no attention towards him.

He clenched his fist tightly.

He saw someone got out of the ICU, maybe he's still there.

He pushed the door open, and saw Ichigo sitting there on his bed, his head and arms covered with bandages, looking down on his hands, like he was currently thinking about something seriously. But his face, was devoid by emotions.

"ICHIGO!"

Grimmjow shouted. He looked up, and their eyes met.

"Oi Blue! What are you trying to do shouting like that?!"

Renji stood up from where he was sitting and crossed the room towards Grimmjow, but Grimmjow payed no attention.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO NELIEL?!"

Ichigo's eyes was suddenly filled with fear.

"Oi Grimmjow! Stop that!"

Another friend of Ichigo with a pink hair stood up and walked towards him, they were now alarmed, because Grimmjow continued walking towards Ichigo. One person is not enough to stop him.

Gin also joined, trying to stop him from approaching Ichigo who just remained there sitting, and watching Grimmjow in fear.

"..I.. I-I'm sorry Grimm."

"DON'T CALL ME THAT YOU ASSHOLE! YOU KILLED NEL! _YOU KILLED NELIEL_!"

Ichigo started to hyperventilate, he closed his eyes as tears fall down to his cheeks.

Nnoitra just sat there, not even watching the scene that was now unfolding in front of him.

"THAT'S ENOUGH GRIMMJOW!"

Gin pulled him, Renji and the other guy pushing him out of the room.

"I'LL KILL YOU ICHIGO! _I PROMISE I'M GOIN' TO KILL YOU_!"

Ichigo sobbed, Nnoitra just scowled. Then Grimmjow was sent out of the room.

He paced in front of the door. The boys just watching him.

"Calm down Grimmjow, it's not Ichigo's fault. The car suddenly appeared then-"

"Not his fault?! NOT HIS FUCKIN' FAULT? He's a fuckin' Man! He should be the one saving Nel! He should be the one who died!"

Something hard hit Grimmjow's face, and he fell down the floor.

"You don't say that in front of me Grimmjow! It's not Ichigo's fault! Get out of here now or else I'm going to kill you!"

Gin's voice is firm, and his eyes are staring directly at him with some much blood lust.

He can't help but shudder. He stood up, clenched his fist, then turned around leaving the three behind.

* * *

...

It's been a week since Nel died. Two days since she was cremated.

And here I am, still mourning.

It's a good thing that I live alone here in my house.

My parents both live in the capital, and since I'm already old enough to be left alone, I suggested that I stay here to finish my studies before I move there with them.

It's good to be alone during these times.

No one will tell you to go to school, no one will force you to eat, no one will stop you on staying up all night.

This is just heaven for mourning people like me.

It was so sudden. Up until now, I can still hear her giggling in the kitchen as she prepare our dinner.

I can still smell her perfume inside my room.

It was so damn agonizing.

Many times, during the past week, I tried killing myself.

But then her smiling face would appear inside my head, then I would cry.

Then I would go to the kitchen and eat anything that was edible, and sleep.

I just can't kill myself, and I don't know why.

I love her. I really do. But no matter what, I promised her that I would continue on livin'.

I promised that to her a day before she died.

Now that this happened, it made me think that maybe, those are the things that we usually call as premonitions. Her own way of sayin' that her days are now counted.

But it was still so fast.

Just yesterday, the school called me, sayin' that it's okay for me to be absent for another week, and that they understand what's happenin' to me right now.

That's Bullshit.

No one knows what I'm passin' through right now.

No one.

Shit, this is not the right time to think about Ichigo. I can't forgive him.

I already know what really happened. The police came and explained everythin' during Nel's service. She saved him. Pushed him out-of-the-way. But the car was so fast, and as result, it hit her.

The fucking driver was caught. At least the bastard was now behind bars. But it's not enough.

_"Know what Grimm? I wanna have some kind of powers. Like invincibility or laser eyes, then I'm going to kill the one that killed my mother. Co'z being behind bars was just not enough. I wanna kill him using my own two hands.."_

Oh yeah, Ichi's mom also died from a vehicular accident.

Fuck, another reason why I can't be angry with him.

But, I can't.. I just have to be angry with someone. I still can't believe that Nel saved him.

Why?

They're not even close to each other. They don't talk. So why the hell would Nel save him?

Until those questions were answered, I'm afraid I won't be able to talk to him.

I'm still in the middle of thinking about those things when my door bell rang.

I frowned, I'm not in the mood to talk right now.

It rang again, but this time, my body shuddered.

I think my body is now covered with Goosebumps.

Whoever that person that was now pressing my doorbell, is doing a very impossible thing.

Because the pattern of pressing, is very similar to how Nel would press my doorbell.

I immediately stood up and ran towards the door, even trippin' on some trash that are now covering my living room.

I stood in front of the door, nervous.

Another round of pressing.

Shit, it's definitely Nel's.

I opened the door, but instead of Nel's long, curly green hair, a short spiky orange hair greeted me.

His hair has now grew longer since the last time that I saw him. It's been a week. According to Gin, Ichigo really wanna attend Nel's funeral, but the doctor did not allowed him because his head injury was pretty serious.

"What the fuck are you doin' here?"

I asked him first. Like what I said a while ago, even though I'm not angry anymore, there are still so many questions that needed to be answered. And I just can't be nice to him again.

He raised his head, returning my angry stare the way that was so different from before.

Something's wrong.

"How are you now? Grimmy?"

My blood started to boil.

"What the fuck did you just called me?!"

No one calls me Grimmy. No one aside from-

"Grimmy, it's me, Nel."

He answered with a very familiar smile.

* * *

**...**

**Violent reactions?**

**Please tell it to me.. But please, not so violent, my plot bunnies are very sensitive..**


	3. Start Of Something Good

**Hey, again, this is un betaed, so, the Grammar is a friggin' fail.**

**Thanks for the supports guys. and the reviews keeps me fueled.**

**Disclaimer; Just borrowed Kubo-san's characters.**

**Till next time.**

* * *

**_"Start Of Something Good"_**

_I know that its gonna take some time  
I've got to admit that the thought has crossed my mind  
This might end up like it should  
And I'm gonna say what I need to say  
And hope to god that it don't scare you away  
Don't wanna be misunderstood  
But I'm starting to believe that this could be the start of something good_

* * *

...

_It's nice to see that you're okay. _

I frowned. It's too bright. Who is it?

_Itsygo, please bear with me for a while, I need to fix things up for you, and him._

What the fuck is she sayin'? I tried to look at her once more, but only her shadow against a very bright light is all that I could manage to see.

_Thanks Itsygo.._

Those are the last words that I heard before a very blinding light engulfed us.

...

* * *

...

The first thing that I heard was those light taps on a keyboard. Someone's pro'bly typing.

I opened my eyes and was greeted by a dark room, which was being illuminated by something behind me, I shifted, soft bed. My bed was not as soft as this one as far as I can remember.

I was laying on my side, so I turned and faced the ceiling.

Then my eyebrows furrowed.

_This is not my room._

"Fin'ly awake?"

I immediately turned to look where those words came from. Blue hair. My eyebrows furrowed. It's _Grimmjow._

He was sitting on the bed beside me, his laptop on his lap, looks like he was typing something.

_So that's where the typing came from._

He reached for somewhere beside him and then the light flooded the room.

I winced, then rubbed my eyes, slowly sitting up. That's when I noticed the blanket that was currently covering the lower half of my body. My eyebrows furrowed as I immediately pulled it and folded it properly before placing it on one of the pillows.

I looked at him again. That's when I noticed that he was wearing a pair of glasses.

Imagine that, Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez, wearin' glasses.

I wanted to laugh, I really do, I just don't understand why my fuckin' heart choose to beat faster, and my cheeks burned. So I looked away instead.

I heard him sighed.

I felt one of my eyebrows raised.

I returned my eyes on him again, but he's not wearin' the glasses anymore.

_Too bad, he looked so fuckin' sexy and hot with those on._

"You better get ready to go home, it's already late."

He stood up and put his laptop on a nearby study table.

It's weird. Something's not right here.

I swung my feet on the side still frowning. The idea of Grimmjow being casual with me again is hard to accept.

I mean, I thought he was going to kill me?

_Maybe he already forgave you._

I sighed. That's more likely, impossible.

I was about to stood up when I suddenly sneezed.

Fuck. I guess my body was really weakened after that damn accident.

I sighed once more before I rubbed my nose. It's been a while since I last caught a cold.

Then, something landed on my head. I immediately took in off only to find out that it was Grimmjow's hoodie.

It was Grimmjow's favourite gray hoodie with a huge gothic 6 in front.

He won't even let me borrow this before, so why give it to me now?

I turned to look at him, to see what's his expression, but he was fixing something on his table, his back facing me. I returned my eyes on the hoodie with a scowl.

"Wear that, it's cold outside."

"huh?"

Puzzled. I mean, what else can I say?

"Hurry up, it's getting late."

There's so many things that I wanna ask, or say.

Like how the fuck did I get here? But I don't know how to start.

So I just followed whatever he asked me to do.

I put on the hoodie, it's a bit big on me, but it looks good. Yeah I'm right. I'll look badass wearin' this.

I check out myself in front of his mirror for a few minutes, then I followed him outside his room.

This is my first time in his house because we never hang out outside school, well, I can't even consider our fights as a hang out, right?

His house is big for him, I mean, this house is as big as mine, and I live with my father and my twin sisters.

But he? Well, I never heard about, or even saw his family members. That made me wonder if he was with his family when he moved here in our town.

I followed him to the living room, then he took something from behind the door, a jacket, put it on, then he opened the door.

He stepped outside, well, I guess I should follow so I did. I saw my shoes on the porch, it made me wonder again, but I shoved the idea aside and put my snickers on.

He was waiting for me when I got out, then he locked the door.

I frowned once more as I watched him lock his front door. Then I turned and started walking towards the direction of my house.

I never went to his house before but I know which way it is, we would always part our ways 3 blocks away from here after our fights.

I put my hands inside the pocket of his hoodie, then took my time walking when suddenly, something pulled the hood of the jacket and put it over my head.

"I told you to wear it, what's ta' point of givin' ya a hoodie if yer' not goin' ta wear the hood. Dummy."

My heart started to race again.

I stopped walking for a bit, then turned towards his direction, all the while thanking the hood for covering most of my face.

"Uumm, you're not going to walk me home, right?"

I watched his calm face turned into a annoyed one.

"Why? Can't I?"

I swallowed.

"B-But my house is just 10 minutes away from here, you don't have to!"

I'm sure I saw him blanched.

"Jus' shut the fuck up and walk dummy."

My body stiffened. His voice was slightly raised, but there's no antagonism. I swear he sounded almost like an annoyed _Tsundere Boyfriend._

I started walking again with a frown. Then he immediately followed flanking my right side.

Why is he being nice to me? I really wanna ask him that. But it seems like my voice was taken away from me. All that I could do is frown.

We reached my house without even talking. We just walked like that, side by side, taking our time.

I stopped in front of my house and faced him, then I started taking off the hoodie but he stopped me by placing his hand on top of my head.

I looked at him, he was staring at the street light on the other side of the road.

"Keep it, I'll get it from you tomorrow."

"Umm, er, thanks, I guess, for walking me home."

That's when he faced me with a frown, and, I don't know what I should call those emotions that are swirling inside his blue eyes.

Sadness? Happiness? Relief? I really don't know.

Then he tapped my shoulder, motioning for me to go inside.

"Umm, I'll see you tomorrow, in school."

I said, just to prolong our conversation. I wanted to see some signs, signs like he wanted to come with me inside, but I guess he doesn't because he looked so impatient.

"Yeah, see ya' tomorrow."

Is it just me, or is it really getting really cold in here?

Then he smiled a little.

Something's definitely wrong, but I vanished those thoughts from my head.

I walked towards our front door, opened it, risking a glance towards his direction for the last time.

He was still looking at me.

I nodded, he answered with a nod too, then I stepped inside the house, closing the door with a soft click.

I leaned my back on the door as I felt my knees bucked.

_Oh, my, God._

_Oh SHIT! Holy-funkin'-shit._

I think I'm burning now, my body is trembling, my head is spinning, and I don't have to look at the mirror right now to see that my cheeks are blushing like hell.

_What's that? What's happening here?!_

"Oh! Ichigo! You're back! Come, let's eat! Yuzu just finished cooking your-"

I didn't even finished listening to whatever my father was saying, I ran up to my room ad locked the door, not even bothering to open the lights.

I paced inside, walking towards the window then back at the door, and back again.

This is confusing, this is different.

What the hell just happened?

How the hell did Grimmjow became that nice to me?

He wouldn't even smile like that to me before!

What the hell?

...

* * *

...

Grimmjow sighed again as he watched the man that was now sleeping soundly beside him. The slow rising and falling of his chest, and the occasional twitching of his eyebrows indicating that he was dreaming is kinda nice to watch. But it made him wonder if it's Nel or Ichigo that was currently laying beside him.

He turned his eyes in front of him then leaned back, bumping the back of his head on the wall behind him. Everything happened too fast. Is it even possible for this to happen?

He closed his eyes.

_"Grimmy, it's me, Nel."_

_"What the fuck are ya' tryin' ta say?!"_

_His voice boomed around them, catching some of the people that are currently walking outside's attention._

_But instead of answering him, he just ducked and walked inside the house, taking off his shoes, then walking straight towards the kitchen as if he already went there before._

_Grimmjow just watched in awe as he opened his cup board, took out a glass, Neliel's favourite glass at that, went towards the refrigerator and opened it only to shout back in a very Nelieish way._

_"What the hell Grimmy? Why didn't you bought Mr. Tenshou's Milk today?"_

_Grimmjow just frowned. Because there is just no way that Ichigo would be able to copy Nel's mannerism, and habit of drinking a glass of milk after arriving there in Grimmjow's house._

_"Grimmy, are you just going to stand there? Com'ere."_

_He added as he finished drinking a glass of orange juice, her alternative if there's no milk._

_He stood there, one hand on his hips, an eyebrow arched, staring at him, another trademark of Nel._

_Grimmjow sighed then slowly walked towards him. This is so confusing._

_"What the hell is happening here Ichigo?"_

_He asked in a very calm tone. _

_He stopped in front of him, mirroring his arched eyebrow._

_"Hmm, I told you I'm Nel, Grimmy."_

_Grimmjow frowned. Is it possible that Ichigo developed a second personality because of the accident? And that the second personality was Nel?_

_No, it's impossible to copy someone's mannerism like this if he haven't seen it, or to know where to get things if he didn't personally know where it was._

_But then again, they were together during the accident. It's suspicious._

_He approached him, closing the distance that remained between them._

_Grimmjow just watched him wrapping his arms around his hips, pulling him much closer, then when he looked up to him with a grin that was a hundred percent Nel's, Grimmjow's reason crumbled._

_"Is it really you Nel?"_

_He just nodded, resting his head on Grimmjow's right shoulder, and tightening his hug after. Ichigo was a bit taller that Nel, but Grimmjow was still a lot taller than him. Grimmjow swallowed. If he's going to close his eyes right now, he's sure that Neliel's image would come to his mind._

_So he did._

_That's when he hugged him back tightly. A bit too tight but he didn't hear any sign of protest from him._

_Grimmjow inhaled and swallowed the lump that was now building inside his throat, but it was futile._

_"N-Nel.. W-Why?"_

_Are his last words before his tears started falling, and his sobs flooded the room._

_ ..._

* * *

_..._

_They went inside Grimmjow's room after he calmed down. They sat on Grimmjow's bed, talking. That's when Neliel explained everything. That it was just a coincidence that Ichigo went there. And that she can't understand why she saved him too._

_It's a bit hard to accept that Neliel died because of her whim. But it was so like Neliel, acting on impulse, and just thinking about the result later. Only that she can no longer think about it anymore this time._

_She just laughed when Grimmjow pointed that one out._

Or maybe not?

_He watched her, or more accurately, he watched him. His cheeks are currently showing signs of blush._

_He never imagined that Ichigo is capable of laughing and giggling like this because he was always frowning, or during their fights, grinning like an asshole._

_"Why the fuck did you choose Ichigo by the way Nel?"_

_Neliel just looked at her with a raised eyebrow._

_"Hmm, Ichigo is the only person I guess, because he is now in a very devastated state, his soul is broken, and it's easy to posses him because of that."_

_"So it's possible that you will not be able to enter his body again after his soul was fixed?"_

_It's alarming if it's physically, considering Ichigo's inhuman healing abilities. It's been only a week but his wounds are now almost healed and are barely visible. He was not even wearing something for his head anymore. But since they are talking about his soul, then it's possible that Neliel still have some time._

_Instead of answering, Neliel just stood up, stretching Ichigo's arms and legs. She's sleepy. This was proven true when Ichigo yawned._

_Grimmjow sighed once more. He wouldn't hear any answers anymore. Neliel hates to talk when she's sleepy._

_"You could've at least chosen a girl's body you know. It's going to be hard for me to kiss you in that body."_

_He murmured._

_He was about to stood up too when his head was forcefully turned by her to her direction, then she leaned towards him and landed a kiss on his slightly opened lips._

_Grimmjow's eyes grew wide, Ichigo's face grinned._

_"Wasn't that bad, right?"_

"I love you.."

_Grimmjow's cheeks grew bright as his brain relived Ichigo's confession to him. He was just glad that Neliel already turned away._

_Fuck it._

_He pulled Ichigo's arm towards his direction, Neliel shrieked as Ichigo's body fell on Grimmjow's lap._

_Without any words, Grimmjow placed his hand on Ichigo's nape and pulled him closer, and closer, and kissed him._

_Neliel blinked for a few seconds, not knowing how to respond, then she sighed as she put Ichigo's hands around Grimmjow's neck, closing her eyes and opening her lips for Grimmjow's daring tongue._

Grimmjow sighed once more. As he sat up properly, reaching for his laptop, and putting on his glasses then beginning to type and finish his email for his parents.

He promised to send them emails every once in a while, so that they won't be worried of his situation.

They have no idea about what happened to Neliel. And Grimmjow has no plan of telling them, because he's one hundred percent sure that they'll drag his ass up towards the capital, or even worst, back to Germany.

He would like to stay here until they graduated.

But instead of focusing on what he was typing, his head choose to replay what happened a while ago.

The kiss to be exact.

He never imagined, nor dreamed on his wildest dreams, about kissing a man like that. Because seriously, no matter how hard he force his head that it was Neliel's soul that was currently inside that body, he still can't deny the fact that it was a man's body that he touched, a man's lips that he kissed, it was a man.

A man, a man made him _hard_.

And not just any other man, it was Ichigo. His rival, his first friend, and a man who confessed his feelings towards him.

Why does it have to be this fucked up? Why does it have to be this twisted?

He can't understand too, but he immediately withdraw from kissing him after he felt that familiar heat pooling at his groin.

With wide eyes, he stood up and went to the bathroom, and ended up relieving himself using Ichigo's images inside his head.

He was shocked himself after he went down from the high and realized what he just did. But he can't find any reasonable explanation for it. Why use Ichigo for masturbating? Why not Neliel and her huge tits? He groaned from frustration and almost punched the mirror after seeing himself all flushed and red from his recent deed.

Neliel was already sleeping when he got back. He covered him with a blanket before sitting beside her.

He returned his gaze on the man that was now turned to face the other side of the room, still sleeping soundly.

Grimmjow find his occasional moans, and calling of his sister's names endearing.

He would really love to continue their friendship. Specially now that Neliel cleared all of his doubts about what happened. He was even willing to continue their weekly fights. But because of that confession, and the fuckin' episode in the bathroom, he guessed that it would be a bit awkward.

_Why do you have to confess to me like that Ichi? Why ruin our friendship?_

But he can't just ask him that.

He remembered Nel saying that she could only posses Ichigo's body after he went to bed, then he'll return to being him once she inside his body slept too.

Grimmjow bumped the back of his head on the wall once more before sighing heavily chanting that everything will be alright.

...

* * *

_..._

...

Ichigo slowly walked towards the gates of their school the next morning. It's been a couple of weeks since he last went here, more than a week of staying inside that hospital, and the remaining days, he spent in their house.

_Two weeks since Neliel died._

He sighed. Everyone is staring at him as if he was someone who died, but was brought back to life.

He doesn't like this. He hates the attention.

That's the very reason why he doesn't do his best in school. He doesn't want to sound so smug, but school is so boring, he can answer those mathematical equations with his eyes closed. And even memorize the periodic table of elements within 30 minutes.

It's just that, the top 10 in school are expected to be a member of the school council, Gin is having a hard time with it, so he'd rather not even try it once.

He didn't saw the gang on their usual spot, maybe they're somewhere, trying to ditch their classes. Probably an annoying class is on today.

He sighed once more, too bad he doesn't have any idea about what's waiting for him.

He continued dragging himself towards the lockers, frowning as he took out his _wabuki_ to replace his black shoes.

"Yoh."

His eyes grew wide after closing the door of his locker, Grimmjow is there, too close for his comfort.

He blushed.

"Mornin'"

He gulped, and nodded. Damn, he looked so stupid right now.

Grimmjow turned and went to his own locker, taking out his own pair of wabuki before turning to his direction once more.

"Oi, aren't you goin' to class?"

"Uh, y-yeah."

He immediately locked his locker and went towards Grimmjow's direction who's patiently waiting for him.

Oh, yeah, he forgot that they both got the same class for first period.

And not to forget that they were both absent for 2 weeks.

Everyone is looking at them as they took their time walking along the corridor. He risked a glance towards Grimmjow and saw that he was scowling, his eyebrows furrowed, this made Ichigo smile.

"What's so funny?"

Ichigo chuckled as he heard Grimmjow's irritated voice.

"Nothing.."

Grimmjow just clicked his tongue and looked to the other side of the corridor. They both walked in silence until they reached their room.

"You should smile more, it suits you."

Ichigo suddenly stopped walking.

Did he heard it correctly?

He felt his cheeks burned as Grimmjow walked pass him, turning to enter their designated room for the first period.

He was left there like an idiot, digesting every word that Grimmjow said.

"Oi, class' 'bout to start soon dummy"

Ichigo's cheeks flared as Grimmjow appeared again from inside the room. He immediately looked down and walked fast towards the room, not even looking at Grimmjow's direction, as he went to his seat and sat down.

He can't believe this.

Why is Grimmjow suddenly becoming nice to him?

His heart continued fluttering, making it hard for him to breath.

_Calm down... Calm down you stupid, don't expect for too much. _

He inhaled and sighed big time, earning a puzzled look from Grimmjow, who was sitting two seats away from him.

_I gotta calm down, gotta get away from here._

He stood up, and started walking towards the door when his eyesight suddenly blurred, all of his classmates watching him as he reached out for the door frame, his blushing face replaced by the whitest face that Grimmjow ever saw.

He gasped as his hand slid down from the frame, his body following shortly only to be caught by Grimmjow who immediately ran the moment he saw him swaying.

"Oi! W-what the-"

Ichigo lay there, on his arms, unconscious.

Grimmjow felt cold.

"What happened?!"

Ms. Unohana appeared as he slowly lay Ichigo on the floor. He's panicking. He didn't know what to do.

"I don' know, he suddenly collapsed!"

Ms. Unohana's face was suddenly filled with worry as she instructed Grimmjow to take Ichigo to the infirmary. Grimmjow immediately carried Ichigo without any word, and that's when he noticed that Ichigo is now a lot more lighter compared to the last time they fought.

He can now carry him princess style without any effort.

His eyebrows furrowed as he half ran towards the infirmary, occasionally shouting at those stupid enough to block his way.

He's afraid. Ichigo looked like a corpse, cold, white, and not moving.

And Grimmjow doesn't like this.

He already experienced this feeling. Because he already felt this before.

Right. It was during that time when Ichigo wounded himself. The thought of losing him is making Grimmjow feel so devastated.

He was half panting when they reached the infirmary, laying Ichigo on one of those bed. The nurse immediately took Ichigo's blood pressure and prepared medications for him saying that he can now go back to his classroom.

He refused to go back though. He'll stay here until he's a hundred percent sure that Ichigo is fine.

Until those perfect chocolate-brown eyes appeared again before him.

_..._

* * *

_..._

_*Yawns*_

It's hard to write nowadays because of my double job. Guys, please bear with me..

Let me know what you think..


	4. Awake

**Sorry for the late upload.**

**Duty calls.**

**I'll try to upload much much faster next time. Thank your very much for waiting.**

**Please do not kill me because of the grammar. _**

**Disclaimer: Bleach, and the characters described and used were not all mine.**

To the unknown!

...

* * *

**Awake**

_Will you stay awake for me?  
I don't wanna miss anything  
I don't wanna miss anything  
I will share the air I breathe  
I'll give you my heart on a string  
I just don't wanna miss anything  
_

* * *

...

I woke up from the faint laughter from afar.

Laughter that probably came from some students playing somewhere. They sounded really happy.

I sighed as I slowly opened my eyes and was greeted by the light that was coming from the window that was covered by those white see-through curtains.

I frowned.

I looked around; I almost thought that I was at the hospital, again. But this place looked so familiar.

_Oh, how could I forget? _

This place, I always go here, every two weeks to fix my bruises and wounds.

_The Infirmary._

I slowly sat up, only to be halted by a hand that was currently holding mine. I think my cheeks immediately reddened after seeing who owns that hand.

It was Grimmjow.

He was sitting on a chair, his head resting on the bed that I was currently laying in to, one arm comfortably acting as his pillow, and the other, holding my hand.

I swallowed the liquid that was now building at the back of my throat.

He looked so relaxed, and peaceful.

I think my heart skipped a beat.

My other hand slowly reached over and brushed those few strands of hair that was now covering his forehead.

_My God, this man is so sinful._

I never imagined myself falling in love with this guy. Our start is not a good one. Even the following encounters were all not worth the memories. But still, I end up falling hard.

Those smiles, the grins, the cool demeanour, the calming presence, and those blue eyes. Everything about him sends me to the edge without any hopes of coming back. It was like knowing that you'll be damned, but you still look forward to it.

As time pass by, I just noticed myself looking forward on each day of our encounter.

Because those were the only time where I'm allowed to touch him.

I also look forward to our quiet time, but unlike our encounters, I can only stay beside him, and bathe myself with the heat that was coming from his body.

It was pathetic.

But I can't help it. I love the man.

And it tears me apart whenever I see him with someone else.

I envy that blond girl that would freely touch him, back when we are still new to each other. I envy his team mates whenever he would play basketball, I envy his parents, I envy his relatives, I envy Neliel.

I wanna be with him so bad.

But it's impossible.

Why? Because I'm not the one that he _loves._

Yeah, he doesn't love me.

Fuck, he might even hate fags like me for all I know. With that look of pity on his face that day, I'm sure that he despises me now.

So why is he holding my hand now?

He stirred, sighed, and then slowly raised his head to look at me with those ocean-deep blue eyes. And as if to defend myself from it, I immediately looked away, because seriously, I can feel my cheeks starting to warm up now, and it's going to be really bad for me.

"Yer' awake.."

I nodded. His voice is hoarse from sleeping. And God damn it.. It was so sexy.

"H-How do you feel now?"

I wanna laugh. He's trying his best to talk straight Japanese. And he sounded so ridiculous. I think a smile formed on my lips, then I heard the clattering of the chair that he was sitting on.

He's leaving. Oh _My God, _did I offended him?

Panic filled my head as I turned to face him again, but instead of seeing his retreating back, I was greeted by his body that was now on the act of sitting beside me.

I blushed. I tried to squirm away from him but he caught me and made me stay on the bed.

I sat there, dumbfounded, one of his arm around my back and firmly holding my shoulder as if I'll ran away any moment now.

"Stay still, you can't move that much, yer' blood pressure is very low."

I gulped.

_No, not now, my blood pressure is definitely HIGH right now!_

His hold softens after a few seconds, then he sighed.

I sighed too.

"You have to take care of yer'self, y'know? She told me yer' not eatin' prop'ly these days."

I think my eyebrow just rose, but was afraid of raising my head and be on direct firing range of those blue eyes.

In the end, my curiosity won.

_Shit, can I change my mind? _

I gathered my thoughts and asked who that "_she"_ is.

He just frowned; it's very obvious that he talked too much, this made me more suspicious.

He reverted his eyes away, his hand slowly sliding down my back.

"Uhh, yer' sister. Yer' sister told me."

I scowled, it's very clear that he was hiding something, but, I don't want to ruin the atmosphere.

So I just sighed and looked down.

"Whatever."

I slid down, covered my body with bed sheet, then turned to face the widows on the other side of the room in an attempt to sleep again and avoid this situation.

"Are you mad?"

I wanna say No. I wanted to tell him that I'll never be mad with him.

But my eyes suddenly became so heavy.

So heavy that I need to struggle so hard just to stay awake.

I would've stood up just to rub off the sleepiness, but, it was like my strength and consciousness was being pulled away.

So I shook my head instead.

"I'm happy."

I can almost hear him smile with those words. I wanna smile too. Or talk to him more, if only this stupid sleepiness is not ruining my happiest moment.

I closed my eyes.

_Itsygo..._

Darkness.

...

* * *

...

My eyes suddenly flew open with a gasp, and I was greeted by darkness.

I think I heard myself groaned a few seconds ago. That's what woke me up I guess.

Then I felt it.

_Shit._

The slow brushing of something soft on my back.

And that's when I noticed where, and what the hell is happening.

I was on a very dim room, which was being illuminated by that very familiar bedside lamp, lying face down on a soft bed, topless.

I immediately looked around and saw that I was holding my shirt tightly.

Then that someone behind me shifted and cornered me using both of his arms on both side of my head.

He pressed his body towards mine, that proof of his arousal rubbing on my ass. And what's more disturbing is that I moaned.

I, fucking moaned.

"N-Nel?"

I stiffened. Not only that I know that name that was called on me, and that she's fucking dead right now. But, I also know that voice. It was too familiar, fucking too familiar...

I crawled forward, away from him, and then I turned to face him.

I think my jaw just fell, and my eyes widened up. I can't believe this. I just can't.

"G-G-Grimmj-jow?"

He just stared back at me, he looked so.. puzzled.

I took my shirt and put it on quickly, then backed away from him until my back hits the headboard of his bed.

"What's happening here?! What am I doing here?! What the fuck are you doing to me?!"

Now all of those puzzled look are completely gone. His face looked so white as if he just saw a ghost.

"I-Ichigo?"

I think my blood just boiled.

"Who else! You asshole?!"

What does he mean by that? Is he expecting someone else?! That fucking asshole, do I look like a girl to him?!

Then I remembered, he called me Nel.

He fucking called me Nel!

My eyebrows furrowed.

He backed down too, stood up and sat on the edge of his bed, his back facing me. His elbows resting on his knees, he sighed loudly.

"Oi! Aren't you going to answer my questions?!"

"Please shut up.. I'm tryin' to think 'ere."

"What the fuck?"

Yeah, what the fuck.

"I woke up here in your room, with you attacking me from behind, shirtless, and with your prick poking my ass-"

"Oh for cryin' out loud Ichigo! Don' say that I'm poking yer' ass! I'm not fuckin' ya'...!"

I stiffened, because his voice was loud and authoritative. Then he sighed once more.

"...yet."

He added with a very low voice, but enough for me to hear.

My blood started to boiled again. I mean, that's a confirmation right? He is really going to fuck me!

But instead of releasing my anger, I willed myself to calm down.

_Calmdown.._

I sighed.

"Tell me what's happening here. The last time I remember, I'm in the infirmary..."

Sighs..

"Did you bring me here? Why are you calling me Nel?"

He grasped his hair using both of his hands as if he's going to lose it any moment now.

He sighed, a lot of times maybe. And I'm getting impatient. I mean, his sighs are not going to answer any of my questions right? So I asked him once more.

"Grimmjow?"

He groaned, then he sat up straight.

"Nel, Nel is inside you."

_What?!_

"I don' know how, but she said she can posses yer' body or somethin', honestly I don' understand."

_Oh, she can posses me. Great._

I think my eyes just fell out of my eye sockets.

"What? W-W-Wha'd'ya mean?"

He sighed once more, then stood up, still not face me.

"Ya' heard me."

_Snap._

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?! WHAT SHE CAN POSSES MY BODY?!"

He whirled and faced me with a very confuse slash angry slash annoyed look.

"DON'T FUCKIN' SHOUT AT ME I DON'T UNDERSTAND TOO!"

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND BUT YOU STILL GONNA FUCK ME?! HUH?!"

I watched him furrowed his eyebrows as if I said something ridiculous. He started pacing around the room like he was willing himself to calm down, but he was angry. I can see it through his wild blue eyes.

_Ridiculous._ Hah. Fuck him! What gives him the right to be angry?! I'm the victim here! I have no idea what's happening! And then he'll just answer me with a fucking 'you heard me?' Fuck him! Seriously, fuck him.

"Don' talk shit on me Ichigo, don' talk as if this is not somethin' that you wanted. Jus' to remind ya' in case you already forgot, you confessed to me. Right?!"

It's my turn to furrow my eyebrows.

"What do you mean by that?"

It was strange that my voice sounded firm. To tell you the truth, I was expecting myself to shout back at him. I never felt this angry before.

It feels like my heart is now burning with white fire. So hot. Too hot.

It reminds me of that book where one of the description of humans transforming into a vampire is the great burning.

_If only it was true._

But it's not. And I am not transforming into a vampire right now.

Much worst, I am being treated like I'm desperate by the man that I truly love.

_This sucks. Life really sucks. Now, all that I have to do is to wait for myself to die._

I stood up, gathered my things and walked towards the door.

"Where are ya' goin'?"

I didn't answer. I grabbed the door knob and opened the door.

"I'M ASKIN' YA' WHERE THE FUCK ARE YA' GOIN'?!"

I faced him, my eyes are getting cloudy again, so I used my free hand to wipe those liquid away.

"You know what Grimmjow? FUCK YOU!"

I saw his expression change from anger to somewhere close to being scared.

But I don't care anymore.

I mean, why should I? He doesn't even care about how I would feel.

In fact, I think I can understand it now.

All of those times that he was being nice to me, the protectiveness, the warmth, _it was all for Neliel_.

I wiped my tears away again then walked out of the room, then went to the main door and put on my shoes. After I finished putting my shoes on, grabbed my bag and went out of the house.

It was then that I allowed myself to cry. The tears fell down freely like waterfalls, clouding my vision, making it difficult for me to breath.

I sighed, trying my best to hold back the sobs that are now forming at the back of my throat.

_Itsygo.. I'm._

I gasped.

It figures. I can understand it now.

I sighed and started walking back towards my home when someone suddenly grabbed my hand and pulled me.

"YE'R NOT GOIN' ANYWHERE DUMMY"

Dummy? Hah. So I'm dummy now huh? Yeah, these past few days, he never called my name.

Fuck it, if I stay here more, I'm afraid I'll broke down to pieces.

So I pulled my hand back and face him. Faced that face that I've been fantasizing all these time. Those blue eyes that's been hunting my dreams. The man, that will never be mine.

"I will go anywhere that I want Grimmjow. In fact, I will not go home tonight."

I tried to smile and sound sarcastic on that one, I hope I succeeded.

"I know that you're angry at me, and that It's my fault that Neliel is dead now. And I am sorry for that."

I saw his eyebrows furrowed. I continued.

"But I am not her substitute. And I will never be."

I sniffed.

"You're right, I loved you. Hear that? Yeah it's all in the past now."

I stepped closer, pointing to his chest.

"I'm okay with you not paying attention to me, fuck, I'm even okay with you hating me, But I can't do this. Because I can't continue loving a man that will only give me attention because of his dead girlfriend."

I spit each word with venom. Venom that was now flowing on my veins ruining my very own existence.

I turned and started walking away again. My tears flowing once more, but I didn't heard any pursuit.

"You said yer' not goin' home. Are you goin' to Ichimaru's house?"

I stopped, wiped my tears away and faced him again.

He just shrugged, but even a child could tell that he's in pain.

God, I wanna run towards him now. I wanna run and hug him tight and say that I'm just kidding. That my love for him will never disappear. I wanna kiss him and prove it to him with my touches. But that firm look on his eyes stopped me.

Right, I'm not the one that he wants. It's not me, it's Neliel.

So I shrugged back, looking away. Anywhere but him.

"Yeah, maybe. Maybe, I could even let him fuck me."

I added a grin on that. And that firm look, was suddenly replaced by horror.

I kept on saying to myself to not be fooled. That that horror is not for me. It was for Neliel.

_For Neliel._

What the fuck did I do on my previous life to be hurt like this? Did I bully Neliel on my previous life that she just has to burden me so much even though she's already dead?!

Fuck, it was so painful. It was like something is trying to claw it's was out of my chest.

I can't stand that pained look anymore.

I turned around once more.

"Ichigo, yer' not goin' to do that right? Ichigo please tell me that yer' not goin' to do that.."

I shivered.

My heart is now shouting at me.

_Turn around! Go to him! Run to him Ichigo!_

I listened for my brain.

And he was quiet.

Am I that easy? Should I turn around and run to him now?

The answer is easy.

No.

I sighed, and straightened my back.

"Maybe, maybe not. Who knows?"

I started walking away. My ear trying to listen for footsteps on that cold pavement, but there were none.

I tried my best not to look back. And it was hard.

It was like denying yourself to breath. Like starving yourself even though the food is there. It was something automatic, but I'm trying my best to not do it.

Every step is as heavy as hell, like I'm trying to defy gravity.

Then suddenly, something was wrapped around my body.

"Ichigo please.. Don' do this to me.."

Honestly, I tried to laugh. But nothing came out of my mouth.

This is want I wanted from the start right? Why am I trying my best to push him away now?

_I don't understand myself anymore._

I held his arms that were now restraining me to further walk away. Then I slowly tried to free myself from it.

"Let's not try to fool ourselves here Grimmjow. We all know that I'm not the one that you really want here. I'm not the one that you needed."

I sniffed.

"I think you're not even going to pay attention to me after that confession, if it wasn't for Neliel."

I wiped my tears again then I sighed.

His hug tightened.

"N-No.. Yer' wrong-

Yes I'm wrong, and it's all too much now. So before he could even finish his sentence, I used all of my strength and freed myself from him.

".. I wish Grimmjow.. I wish."

I started walking again. A bit fast actually. I'm so afraid that he would catch up again and he would stop me again. Because seriously, I'm a hundred percent sure that I'll go back running towards him, with just the sound of his voice calling my name.

The quick walk was immediately replaced by running. I ran, and ran and ran without any idea of where I'm going. All that I know is that I need to get away from him.

So I was a bit surprised when I found out where I am.

_Gin's house._

Maybe because Grimmjow's words got stuck inside my head. And so I unconsciously followed it.

I tried to catch my breath as I approach the house but I failed. The sobs are now suffocating me.

I pushed the door bell.

Once, twice, thrice, then someone opened the door.

"Ichi?"

Gin's puzzled face greeted me. But the puzzled look was immediately replaced by worry.

"Gin, who is it?"

Someone from inside called out. Of course I know who that man is.

It was Aizen, Gin's father.

"Umm, uh, it was Ichigo. I got this!"

He stepped out of the house and walked towards me and my breathing escalated. I can no longer hide the sobs.

"G-Gin.."

Gin grabbed my shoulder and immediately hugged me tight.

"Hush.. It's okay Ichi.. Cry. Cry it all out."

And with those few words, I let lose myself.

...

* * *

**Thank you for reading.**


	5. Crawling Back to You

**I would like ****to post this one on International GrimmIchi day.**

**However, I got so excited, so, here it is.**

**Please forgive the grammar errors.**

**And thank you for reading, the reviews and the follows.**

**...**

* * *

**Crawling Back to You**

_"Lessons learned, bridges burned to the ground,_  
_And it's too late now to put out the fire,_  
_Tables turned, and I'm the one who's burning now,_  
_Well I'm doing alright,_  
_'Til I close my eyes_  
_And then I see your face,_  
_And it's no surprise."_

* * *

...

I didn't notice that I was boring holes on Gin's LED monitor until a glass of water appeared in front of me. What's funny is that, the fucking computer wasn't even turned on.

I frowned then my eyes travelled towards the owner of the hand that that was holding the glass, and I saw Gin smiled at me.

I sighed then accepted the glass, and drank the liquid that was inside of it before returning the half empty glass back to him.

Then I returned my eyes back to boring holes to his monitor.

Sometimes I envy Gin so much when it comes to these luxurious things.

His father, Uncle Aizen, is a great, but very scary man. He was a good father I guess. Giving all of the things that Gin wants to have. But there's something about him. He got this 'Don't you try to fuck with me' aura even though he was always smiling. Makes you wanna wish that the smile won't fade away.

I guess that's the very reason why his wife left him. Or maybe something else.

According to Gin, the earliest memory that he got of his mother is the one where she was kissing another man, inside their very own house. But Gin didn't said a word about it to his dad, because according to him, he wanted his father to learn about his mom's escapades himself.

Makes me wanna think sometimes that maybe Gin was also fucked up. Then he said it's not his business to start with, and I realized that he got a point.

But even though his wife is messing up with him, I still like Uncle Aizen, not only because he managed to not give up and take care of Gin, but also because he allowed Gin to use his mom's surname.

I mean, if it was me, and my son asked me one day that he wanted to use his son-of-a-bitch mom's surname, I would freak out! But he took it calmly.

When asked why he wanted his mom's surname by the way, Gin would always say that it was for protection.

Seriously, I don't know why this family is so scary.

But I still feel proud sometimes even though it's like that. Because only I knows about Gin's complete entertainment room, which I desire so much, and also, this information about his family. The gang never even managed to see his house during our four years together.

"So... Are you sure that Isshin-san is not goin' to get angry with this?"

My eyes returned to him, as if he just said something ridiculously corny, then back to the monitor with a sigh.

"Yeah, I called him already. He said it's fine."

I heard him sighed then something heavy landed on his bed.

"Are you sure that you don' wanna talk 'bout it Ichi?"

I turned my body to face him with my infamous scowl.

"Uhh, you know, we've been together for so long Ichi, I know that for you to appear in front of my door, looking like that, it gotta be a big one."

My scowl deepened.

Is he really expecting something from me? I mean, it's not like something that I could tell him right?

I will never-

"Did you already found out about Neliel?"

I think my heart just got stuck on my throat.

I coughed.

And I think I just coughed my internal organs out. It's too painful!

Then in the middle of me trying to calm myself from the coughing fit, I heard him, he was laughing so hard.

Bastard.

"Ichi! *laughs* I-It's too bad I don' 'ave my cam'ra! *laughs* Yer' face is priceless!"

I felt my eyebrows twitched. He's annoying. So fucking annoying.

"YEAH GO AHEAD AND LAUGH! Laugh at my own misery you bastard!"

But instead of stopping, he just laughed more, louder this time.

He's pissing me off.

So I grabbed his Iron Man figurine that was sitting on his table to throw to him, then his eyes went wide.

"Oh! N-No no no no no! Not that one baka! That's more expensive that yer' own fucking life!"

I frowned, looking at Iron Man.

Leave it to Gin to buy collector's items figurine and just leave it anywhere in his room.

But then again, I decided that I don't want to spend my life working my ass out to pay for that damn statuette, so I returned it to its original position then I grabbed a book nearby, one that's hard bound, then threw it towards him without any warning.

It came flying and hit his forehead with a thud.

_Bull's eye!_

"Yeah!"

I crossed my arms in front of me smugly as he groaned and rub his forehead to lessen the pain.

"Asshole."

...

* * *

...

"It was on that first day that you got conscious again. I was there. I greeted you, but yer' diff'rent. That's when you told me that you're Neliel."

I just sat there on his swivel chair frowning as I listen to him relay his stories. He was still laying down his bed, but his eyes are now focused on the ceiling, or maybe somewhere else much further.

Gin is always like this when he's so into whatever he was saying. It's like the only thing remaining with us is his body, and his mind is somewhere else taking a piss.

"Did you ask her why the hell she chose my body? Is it revenged?"

He shook his head lightly.

"No, I guess it was only a coincidence. You're the only one around with a weak soul during that time according to her, so she got no other choice."

I felt myself frowned.

"Then what does she want? Why doesn't she just talk to me so that I could help her and get over it?"

"Hmm, I guess you can't do anything about that Ichi. Just let her do her job. Trust me, this is for you too."

I can feel my frustration building up inside me.

"Why do I got this feeling that you know something Gin?"

I spun and faced the monitor once more, resting both of my arms on the table and placing my chin on it.

"Because I do. It's so obvious, what she's tryin' to do. "

I sighed closing my eyes.

"And what would that be Mr. Smartpants?"

I heard him chuckle.

"Tryin' to end yer' long term unrequited love, what else?"

I shot up.

_What?! _

_Unrequited love?!_

_What the fuck?!_

"W-W-What do you mean?!"

"Geez Ichi, you don' 'ave to be so obvious you know?"

Words failed me. Not because I can't think of something to return to his teasing, but because his expression is very similar to a devil's.

"I asked her why. I mean, I know, you could get over it. And she said to just trust her. But look what happened now..."

I gulped.

"... she's fucking up. I can't believe she's doing this to you. Maybe, she just wanna get back together with that asshole using your body, or whatever. "

It's very rare that I see this side of him. He's angry. Like during that time that I almost died.

I felt myself shuddered.

"I wish I know what's runnin' inside her head Ichi. I mean, it's also yer' head, but she's so difficult to read..."

I sighed.

"No, Gin, please don't. .."

I walked towards his bed and sat on the edge beside him.

"The fact that you are here, supporting me is more than enough. Thank you..."

I heard him sighed, and shifted.

"You know that I could do more than that right?"

I nodded.

"Yes, thank you."

I felt his hand petted my head, and I smiled.

_If only I fell in love with him instead..._

...

* * *

...

I slowly drag my feet towards school the next day. There's just no fucking reason for me to be here at all. And at 5-fucking-30 in the morning at that.

After what happened last night, I don't know how the hell am I going to face Ichigo.

So I guess that's why I went here early without even thinking.

Because he was angry. It was pretty obvious. Because I fucked up.

Why did I even said those things to him?

_Arrrgh._

I can't think properly anymore.

It's been only 3 weeks since Nel died and here I am, fucking my head up thinking about someone else. And he's a guy! My God, give me a break!

But what else can I do?

What else should I do?

Even though Ichigo is a guy, I know for sure that I will not be able to live without him.

We've been together for so long, almost every day. And I just can't imagine my day without talking to him.

A day without seeing him is like a day without a smoke, without your vice. You can live without him, but you'll still feel that something is missing. Then eventually, you'll start to stress yourself out.

Then a withdrawal.

I sighed as I turned right to a corner. Almost there.

But after walking for a few steps and raising my head to look towards the entrance of our school, I just have to stop with my mouth open.

He was there, leaning his back against the wall, fidgeting.

I immediately looked around, and then back to him.

Then he shot his head up and look towards my direction, then a smile slowly crept on his lips.

I gulped.

"Grimmy!"

_Fuck._

Yeah, what am I thinking?

What else is there to expect? There's no chance in hell that Ichigo would wait for me after what happened last night.

I don't know how that name managed to flip my mood. Seriously I don't. But after hearing that word, my heart sunk right away.

_It was Nel._

Hah. He's not even an early riser to start with. I should have known.

So why did I secretly hoped that it was Ichigo?

She ran towards me the moment she saw me, smiling. I gasped.

If only Ichigo would smile to me like that.

"Grimmy, I'm sorry, I was not expecting him to-"

"No, Nel,"

I sighed.

"Please stop. Not here."

I started walking towards school again. Faster this time.

But she kept on following me.

"But Grimmy, I was just-"

I stopped. Then I faced her.

"Neliel, I said not here right?!"

I saw her eyebrows furrowed, and her lips quivered. She's surprised, but she's afraid too. It was very obvious.

I was not expecting my voice to be a little high. And the moment I realized that, I really wanna take it back.

I never raised my voice towards Nel before. No matter how annoying she was. But something made me do it today. I don't know.

What's happening to me?

My tone of voice must've caught her off guard, because she suddenly went silent.

My God, this is so awkward.

"I.. I'm sorry"

She shook her head.

"No, it's my fault Grimmy, I'm sorry.."

I patted her head a little, then sighed once more.

There's just no way I could hold a grudge against her, especially now that she's inside Ichigo's body.

I was busy thinking about those matters when I saw her stiffened as if she saw something.

"Jaegerjaques."

My body automatically turned to see who called my name.

But before I could even react, something hard hit my jaw.

"..fuck.."

I fell on the ground because of that punch. It was so strong and hard, and fuck, I'm not going to say it, but it's so painful. I thrashed on the ground to stop the pain.

It was much painful than Ichi's punch.

My hand flew to press on my abused jaw.

I heard Nel shout.

"Gin! My God Gin what are you doing?!"

Then I felt Ichigo's hand trying to help me stand.

"You stay out of this Odelschwanck!"

My eyes grew wide. He called her by her surname. And she's on Ichigo body.

Gin knew.

He knew.

My body suddenly stopped moving even though Nel is still trying to help me stand.

My stupid head suddenly imagining a lot of scenarios.

Some of them, hurts my heart.

Did Ichigo told him about it last night? Are they together? What did they do together?!

"You! Fucking asshole, I told you to leave Ichigo alone right?! If you have no fucking intention of returning his feelings, then leave him the fuck alone!"

Fuck. Yes, they are together last night.

He will not be this angry if they are not.

"Don't blame him! It was me! I came to his house!"

"Yeah it was you! You bitch! You told me you'll do something about this! That you'll make them both happy! But look what you did! You're makin' Ichigo's life miserable!"

_What?_

"I know, I, I messed up last night, I was not expecting him to be that angry, believe me Gin!"

"Hah! You think it's that easy you bitch?!"

I stood up, slowly, then I faced Ichimaru with the most serious face that I could ever put on.

I saw him frowned as he returned my gaze with as much intensity.

We stared into each other's eyes before I decided that it's enough.

"I don' know what you guys are talkin' 'bout. But I did nothin' wrong here. I know I hurt Ichi last night, and I'm sorry 'bout that. But, I want you to keep in mind that I'm not fuckin' up wit' Ichi."

I exhaled, then I grabbed Ichigo's hand.

"I'm not playin' wit' 'im."

He's face softened for a moment. Fucker.

Is it really possible that he only loves Ichi, platonically?

Fuck that shit.

There's no possibility for that!

Me myself, knows, that if you like someone, you'd also want to touch them. Feel them. Watch them wither underneath you in an act of bliss.

Platonic love? Hah. I won't buy that shit.

I started walking, passing by him, but I thought of something brilliant.

I stopped, then I faced Ichimaru once more.

Then after that, I punched Ichimaru's face with all that I've got using my free hand.

Apparently, we was not expecting that too, so he fell on his ass to the ground.

I flexed my knuckle.

"And that, was for calling Nel a bitch for three fuckin' times."

I turned and continued walking towards the building leaving Ichimaru behind and dragging Nel with me.

"Jaegerjaques!"

I stopped and face him once more. He was now starting to stand up, straightening himself.

Asshole, I gave everything that I got with that one and he just stood up like nothing happened.

He smirked, and I can't help but frown.

But there's something about that smirk.

It's not annoying at all.

"I'm countin' on that."

I heard him say.

I just nodded, then I turned and started walking towards the building once more.

...

* * *

...

It was that same dim lit room when I woke up. Lying on his bed, covered with a soft quilt, alone.

My eyes immediately grew wide the moment I remembered what happened here, in this exact room last time.

My body stiffened, feeling anything weird, indicating that "something" happened, but there's none.

_Safe._

I sighed then I sat up.

I really thought that after what happened last night, next time, he'll definitely fuck me.

But looks like it's not like that.

I looked around, that's when I noticed that I'm not wearing my uniform.

Oh, did I even went to school?

The last thing that I can remember, I was fixing my shirt, then I heard her voice again.

She's apologizing, then, black out.

That bitch, why can't she just leave me alone?

I looked at the shirt that I'm currently wearing.

Yeah, I'm not wearing my uniform, but instead, I was wearing his shirt and sweatpants.

I know it was his because of the size.

I sighed.

That's when the door slowly opened, and Grimmjow went in, with only a towel covering his lower body.

I gasped, and he stopped midway the moment he saw me.

And the atmosphere suddenly went awkward.

"I-Ichigo?"

I nodded.

"Uhh, y-yeah."

Fuck. Nodding is already enough you stupid head!

I felt my cheeks warm up.

And why am I blushing like a virgin? For Pete's sake! I'm angry with him!

"G-Give me a moment."

I heard him whisper. He went in and rummaged inside his cabinet. Got some clothes, before going out again.

I just sat there with my mouth hanging open.

What the hell happened with him?

Why is he acting like that?

Seriously, Grimmjow, going out just to change? He can just change in front of me.

Why go out?

I just found myself smiling after a few seconds, then my smile formed a chuckle.

I've never seen Grimmjow act like that before. It was just so out of his character.

"Something's funny?"

I choked.

I coughed and whizzed the air out of my lungs, trying to regain my breathing, then after a few seconds, I dared myself to look at his direction.

He's standing, there in the door, wearing his gray sweat pants and a simple white sleeveless shirt.

He was grinning.

Yeah right, laugh you fucker.

I immediately looked away.

Then I think he saw me scowling, so he cleared his throat.

"How do you feel now?"

He asked walking inside slowly, then sitting down on the edge of his bed.

I gulped.

"F-Fine."

"Hnh,"

He nodded once before diverting his gaze towards the door. Looks like he has no intention of talking.

"H-Hey, what time is it now?"

I got to get the conversation going, or else it's going to be really awkward.

He glanced towards his study table then back at me.

"Five. "

I closed my mouth, and sighed.

_Five. Fuck, I missed school._

"You went to school, don't worry. Well, it was Nel, basically, that is."

How the fuck did he know that I was thinking about school?

I saw him looking down, avoiding my stare.

Am I that easy to read?

I bit my lower lip. There's just too much emotion in his eyes right now that I can't recognize.

I know that it's hard for him too.

That's why I can't just blame him.

He loves Neliel, and it just so happen that Neliel chose me to be her new vessel.

So of course, physical contact can't be avoided.

But what I don't understand is that, why am I trying to avoid him now?

This is what I'm wishing for right? For him to touch me. So, _why?_

I know that I love him. I don't know when it started but I fucking love him.

Why does it have to be this difficult?

Before I even knew it, my body is already sitting beside him. It was like I closed my eyes for a moment then when I got them back, I'm in a different place.

But I know that this has nothing to do with Neliel.

_It's just plain old me._

I guided my hand and put it over his, then I felt him stiffened.

After a few moments, I heard him sighed again.

"I.. I'm sorry Ichi.. I know I'm being an ass.. I-"

"Shhh, you don't have to explain anything."

I tightened my grip over his hand, I heard him exhaled forcefully.

"I just want to know something first."

I saw him nod, but his stares are still directed towards the floor.

I swallowed the vile that's now flooding my throat and sighed.

I've got to do this.

I've got to clear things up.

"The attention that you're giving me, is it only because of Neliel?"

He turned his head and looked at me with those warm ocean blue eyes.

_Finally._

"No! Of course not! I-"

I smiled.

"Then, what are you waiting for lover boy?"

He looked at me with those puzzled eyes, and I just returned them with my eyes full of burning desires.

I wanna laugh out loud when I saw him swallowed.

He resembles a dog that's in front of his meal, but still needs to wait for his owner to say "Eat".

I guess after what happened last night, he really does need a confirmation.

So I closed my eyes and pulled his hand towards me.

And before I could even land myself on the bed, he's already over me, kissing me feverishly.

It was a wet, open mouthed kiss.

Our tongues intertwined, and dancing with each other.

I wound my hands around his neck and tilted my head for a much better angle, and then I heard him moaned.

Then, a thought came in to my mind.

_It's our first kiss._

I know that what I'm doing right now is not right.

I still have lots of questions to ask him.

But I just can't think straight, especially with his hands are roaming, touching and feeling each and every part of my body.

I pushed all of my thoughts and rationality behind my head.

Right now, I'm with Grimmjow.

And it's going to be the best night of my life.

...

* * *

...

**Please review.**

**Thanks for reading.**


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